Yeah, Whatever

Posted by Ace on October 31st, 2008 filed in letters from Ace

In what has become something of an annual tradition of its own, I reprint here the relevant portion of an extended story I told in 2003, about why today is endlessly annoying to me:

I hate Halloween.

I’m not much for most holidays, of course, but there’s just something especially about Halloween that sticks in my craw, something that I don’t have one coherent explanation for.  I didn’t like candy when I was a kid.  My Mom never made us costumes; she bought them for us, and back in the Seventies the costumes were all made out of vinyl, the smell of which made me nauseous then, and makes me nauseous now.  We lived on a dead-end street off a very busy road, surrounded by commercial developments, so there were only so many houses we could go to, and only a couple of those where anyone would answer the door.  I couldn’t see the point.  It was a lot more fun for me to stay home, light my carved pumpkin (carving pumpkins was the one thing I loved) and watch the Disney version of “The Legend of Sleepy Hollow” on TV.  That was the only time of year they played it, and you couldn’t just go out and buy it on DVD and play it ad nauseum like you can today.

One year they decided to have a Halloween “parade” at my elementary school.  They took all the kids who came to school in costume and marched them around the kickball square on the blacktop outside, while everyone else looked on.  I had worn a V-neck polo shirt and shorts, and borrowed an old tennis hat and racket from my older brother, who lettered in it, so I could go as a tennis player:  a costume with no vinyl.  I remember the older kids pointing at me as I walked past and yelling over and over “Billie Jean King!  Billie Jean King!”  I knew who that was.  I didn’t understand why they thought it was so funny.

As I got older, it didn’t get any better.  If you’re an adult and you’re still into Halloween, then either you’re embracing all the stuff about Death and giving the underworld its one night and facing what you fear that the holiday is supposed to embody, the stuff that the whole Trick or Treat thing swept under the carpet, or you like the idea that for one night you and everyone else in the world can have this sort of nation-wide Mardis Gras, flip out, break the rules and be whatever you want to be.  That’s swell.  My family owns a freaking funeral home.  I don’t need to give Death one night, because I get to live with Death and the trappings of Death and the reality of Death every single damn day of my life.  And I don’t need a special night to be what I want to be (or to flip out).  I’m already what I want to be:  …It’s enough for me, and it takes all of the strength that I have to be it day after day in a world that alternates between laughing at me and not giving a damn.

The full story is actually pretty good, but I prefer not to drag it up anymore because some of the people mentioned in it later expressed their distaste at being portrayed by me in this medium.

The local youths also chose to celebrate my return to Sealand last night by singling my car out from all the others parked on the block for a shaving cream adornment, a fact I only discovered on my way out of the house to catch the bus.

On the other hand, this is one of the few days of the year I can wear the sorts of accoutrements I normally wear without anyone cracking wise, since they assume they’re part of a costume.


3 Responses to “Yeah, Whatever”

  1. Yoko Says:

    This year, we have the added hootenanny of the World Series celebrations, making the entire day a crazy, frenetic bacchanalia. Be glad you’re not here!

  2. Ace Says:

    Oh yeah, that’s right. Congrats on that…

  3. Church Says:

    I actuaally just went out to a coffee house to chill and watch the show. Before I left 2 girls were trick or treating in my complex and I heard their disappointment when no one had candy in my building.

    I felt guilty- so I made my friend run me to the store to buy guilt candy.

    I came back with 2 bags of butterfingers and babyruth. (I used to hate cheap candy!) Had to knock on their door and give a few bars to their grandma for them. There weren’t anyother kids around. I did the whole bowl at the door (Only take one!) thing and still had a whole mess load of candy left.

    I put the rest in a brown bag and set out to pawn my candy on some unsuspecting kids. The only ones I could fine were a couple of older teenagers. They actually seemed happy to get a supreise windfall of candy. It was very cute. :)